Not Trusting Your Own Vision

I started a large painting recently with a abandoned flourish in black paint that spread across the canvas.    I like to start my paintings this way, a nice messy underpainting that often leads to interesting outcomes.  On top of this I begin to build layers that are both transparent and opaque slowly building up and refining the image. I turn it many times until I find the aspect that works for me.

It had all started to come together and I was quite pleased with what I had done.  It was close to being finished when my husband popped into the studio.  “Oh”, he said, “it looks the same as that big one you did recently”.  I had to admit it was quite similar.  This felt like a criticism, that somehow I shouldn’t have done something so like a previous piece.

I stupidly was influenced by his comment and my lack of self-confidence and so I decided to change it.  This started me on a long new process to make it into something new, a process that was a battle. You will see that I turned the image upside down to restart. In the end I did get a new piece that is ok but it wasn’t what I wanted.  Instead of being an abstract free flowing piece it ended up more of a landscape!

I am still trying to decide whether to keep it as it is or rework it yet again.  There are some nice passages in it but……….

I really learnt a lesson from this.  I have to accept the process and go with my own feelings and not be influenced by a casual comment.  If you have had a similar experience I would love to hear about it.